Five Stages
by BeachBum84
Summary: Slash. Josh tries to deal with his feelings for Drake.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**A/N: Just some Drake and Josh slash using the five stages of grief. Enjoy :)**

* * *

**Denial**:

The gentle strumming of the guitar fills the room, causing me to look up from the paper I'm working on. Drake has a look of quiet focus. It's such a sharp contrast from how he usually is that I almost don't recognize him. I'm positive it's him when he looks up. I would recognize those eyes anywhere.

"Is this bothering you?" he asks in a rare moment of consideration.

I shake my head, unable to find my voice.

Drake gives me a weird look. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." No excuse for my staring comes to mind. "Umm... is that a new song?"

Drake smiles in a way that makes my heart flutter. "Yeah. It's just something that's been floating around my head all day."

"It sounds good." I struggle to keep my voice steady and it leaves me feeling uncomfortable. Why is my heart fluttering? Why am I finding it so hard to speak?

"You sure you're alright? You look like you're gonna be sick." Drake puts down his guitar and looks concerned.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Maybe you're coming down with something." Drake gets up and presses his hand to my forehead.

I jump back from the touch. "I'm fine!" I sort of shriek the words, earning me a confused look from Drake.

"If you say so. Just warn me if you are getting sick so I can be elsewhere. I can't afford to get sick. I have a huge show to play on Saturday."

"I'm not getting sick." I turn back to my paper. This is too weird. This can't be happening. It must be heartburn or something. Maybe a bad case of gas because my heart did not react to Drake being that close to me.

"Okay. Well, I gotta go. I have a date with Lynn." Drake sounds excited and I feel my heart drop.

I hear the door close and hit my head not so gently on the desk. It's just gas, or heartburn, or a murmur or something because I'm definitely not upset about Drake going on a date. I'm not.

--  
**Anger:**

I had to walk home from school. Again. This is the third time this week he left without me.

When I walk into our room, I'm greeted by the sight of Drake sprawled out on the couch.

"Dude, you look like you just ran a marathon," he says as if he has no idea why I look this way.

I don't say anything. I just grab a change of clothes and head to the bathroom to take a shower.

Five minutes later, there's someone pounding on the bathroom door. "How long are you going to be in there? I need to get ready for my date with Kylie."

"You should have thought about that before you left me at school."

"Dude, I apologized for that already!"

He has to be kidding, right? He can't possibly think I'm still mad about being left the other day. I sigh and wrap a towel around my waist before opening the door. "Today, Drake. You left me at school _today. _That's _three_ times this week. You didn't apologize today." I pause as I remember something. "I thought I took away your keys so you wouldn't be able to take the car."

Drake looks guilty. "Well, Trevor sorta knows how to..."

I slam the door. "I don't understand! What did I ever do to you that was so bad?"

The door opens and I curse myself for not locking it as I make sure my towel is still in place. "I'm sorry! I don't know. I just... well, when the bell rings I just sorta _need_ to get out of there as quick as I can."

"You can't wait two minutes for me to get to the car? You need to get Trevor to hot wire it?"

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you! What do you want me to do?"

He looks irresistibly remorseful and I have to stop myself from saying the first things that spring to mind. Instead I shout, "Just because you're cute doesn't mean I'm going to forgive you that easily! You're just so...Argh!"

He looks confused as I push him out of the bathroom. I make sure to lock the door this time. I'm almost surprised that he hasn't tried to get back in, but he's probably in shock because I called him cute. Why did I have to say that anyway? I'm not sure what I'm more angry about, the fact that he left me at school again or the fact that I have a crush on someone who would leave me behind.  
--

**Bargaining:**

I don't pray often. I never really had to. I guess I'm lucky in that sense. So far, my life has been pretty great. I just never felt like I needed to ask God for anything. Though, occasionally I do thank Him for blessing me with this life.

Drake prays a lot. I'm not sure how religious he is because he really just pleads to God a lot. Though, I suppose any communication with God is a prayer. "Dear God, let me pass Math." "God, please let Ginger break up with her boyfriend because she's really cute and I want to date her." "God, can you make sure Jordan doesn't mess up the new song when we play on Saturday?"

Lately, when I'm alone in my room, I find myself kneeling beside my bed and praying a lot. I just need something to happen. I need a sign.

"God? I'm not really sure what to say. I know I'm not suppose to love my stepbrother like _that_, but I can't help it. Can you tell me what I'm supposed to do? If it's not supposed to be, I can accept that. Though, if you could... could you make Drake tell me one way or the other? Like, let him tell me he would never consider... or... let him tell me he would..."

I feel a little awkward because I know I could be praying for something else. For anything else. I could be praying for world peace or to get into a good college.

"I'll do anything to make Drake happy. I promise I can make him happy. I just need to know what to do..."

I don't know what to say. I don't want to say something like 'I promise to go to church every day if you let my stepbrother love me the way I love him.' I guess all I can really ask for is a sign of some sort.

"Amen."  
--

**Depression:**

"Why do you look so down in the dumps?" Drake asks. It's three in the afternoon and I still haven't gotten out of bed yet.

My first reaction is to say, 'Because I'm in love with you and you don't care.' Instead, I roll over and pull the blanket over my head.

"You can talk to me about anything," Drake offers. He sounds sincere.

I sit up and look up at Drake who is perched on the edge of his bed. "Have you ever had a crush on someone but you weren't sure how they felt about you?"

"No."

"Never mind." I lay back down.

"Wait." He jumps off his bed and lands on mine.

"Drake, go away." I pull the covers over my head.

"Wait. I'm sorry. I can help." He's sitting on my legs so I can't get away and he pulls the blanket away from my face. "So, you have a crush on a girl?"

I let out a defeated sigh. "I have a crush on _someone_. I'm not sure if _they_ like me or not."

Drake doesn't seem to notice my choice of pronouns. "Why don't you tell her?"

"Because it's _someone_ who I'm really close to. I don't want to ruin my relationship with this person because I'd rather keep my feelings to myself than to lose them because they don't feel the same way."

Drake looks confused as if he's trying to figure out what _girl_ I'm close to. "Is it Leah? I think she has a crush on you, too."

"It's not Leah." I sigh again. "Look, I appreciate you trying to help. I just need some time on my own to sort things out."

Drake gets off my bed. "Okay. I'm here if you need me. Well, I will be tonight. I have a date with Chloe." He pauses by the door. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lie. I feel the opposite of 'fine' when he walks out the door.  
--

**Acceptance:**

"You're home early. Didn't you have fun with Chloe?"

I look up when Drake doesn't respond. He seems to be frozen in the doorway. He finally steps into the room. "You have a crush on _someone_?"

Unlike Drake, I notice the pronoun use immediately. "Yes."

"So... someone isn't necessarily a girl?"

"Right." I feel nervous because I'm unsure of how much of this he has put together.

He takes a deep breath before stepping closer. "Is it me?"

"What?" I heard him. I just can't believe he asked.

A small smile forms on his face. "It is. You have a crush on me."

"I... ummm... I..."

Drake steps closer. "Calm down, Josh. It's cool." He brushes his lips against mine. "You could have told me instead of being depressed all day."

"But..." I'm in shock. It's what I wanted but it just doesn't make sense. "What about Chloe?"

Drake laughs. "The movie just started when I realized you were talking about me. I told her I was going to get some popcorn."

"That's mean."

He shrugs. "I'm slow and poor with excuses sometimes." He sits on my lap and puts his arms around me. "So, are you feeling better now?"

I almost can't believe it, but it's happening. The past two weeks of uncertainty and wondering melts away because of this moment of pure acceptance and love. "Yeah, I'm feeling a lot better now."


End file.
